I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
