No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
