I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
