why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
