operation have a gay friend backfired
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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