my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
