You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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