Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
