I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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