i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
