Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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