RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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