all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
