He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
