I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
