his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
