Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize