When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
