drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
