no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
