Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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