Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
