...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
