if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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