How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize