I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
