So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
