Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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