I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
