ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
