Your dad touched me again.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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