Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
