he thought i was a dude.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
