He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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