it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
