I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
