id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
