I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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