I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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