Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize