Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
