did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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