i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
