so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
