dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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