i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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