i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
