I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
