Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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