I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
