new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
