I'm really into asian looking animals
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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