My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
