My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
