you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
