Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
