If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
