I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
