We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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