I wanna passion pit in your ass
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
