My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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