We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
