okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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