you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
