I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
