it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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