did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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