Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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