i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
