She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
birth control should be required to get into college
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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