the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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