He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
