My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
