nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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