do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
