Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
